tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50299709066207295232024-02-08T02:36:41.363-08:00Benjamin N. Allred's BlogAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-75383854478336626552014-11-04T11:02:00.001-08:002014-11-04T11:02:40.006-08:00Stealing. Learning life lessons.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
There was a candy store a few blocks from our house in Taylorsville. As a child I loved going here because I could get a few different candies for a penny a piece, and this was almost always something we could find if we looked around or were willing to do some work for neighbors. I am guessing I was likely in kindergarten or at least around this age when this story began. <br />
<br />
As many have likely learned from my other posts, I was able to go away from home and get around my neighborhood a lot as a child. I only now start to realize that I was likely one of those kids that was constantly seen by neighbors and others as undisciplined and likely even as trouble by many. That being said I went all over the place by myself, or with siblings, or friends.<br />
<br />
One day I went to the candy store and decided I wanted more candy than I could pay for. I believe I went with others (some of my siblings if I remember right). We walked around and I knowingly put some candy in my pocket, and then headed on my way. When I got home, my parents wondered how I could afford the candy I had and when they found out what had happened they took me back to the store and made me give the candy back and apologize. The man at the store was understanding, but was also firm that if he wanted to he could send me off to detention (or kid jail) for doing things like this. <br />
<br />
I got into the habit of occasionally stealing even though I knew better. There were a few times in my life that I stole. I stole a toy and a few other candies on a few occasions while I lived in Taylorsville, they were all from different places. I also got into cars and took money on one occasion. After my family left Taylorsville and moved to Sandy I stole a video game when I was around 10 years old. I also stole cigarettes a few times as a pre-teenager. I also took cash on at least one other occasion I can remember.<br />
<br />
No one has ever heard these stories except possibly a friend or sibling if they were involved in the actions. Sorry mom and dad for these past actions.<br />
<br />
I want to make it clear that I write this for my posterity and as a record that people change and as a way to remember that I needed to overcome struggles as all do. This was one I needed to learn from. For some time, I seem to have felt others could afford to give me what I wanted. I have not stolen anything since the time I was taken from my family as a youth. Though I have been exposed to others stealing and even felt some of the side effects of these actions, these things have further cemented in my mind the damaging and terrible side effects on all that steal or even covet that which others possess.<br />
<br />
I have seen hurt from those that have been damaged due to theft, robbery, and others taking advantage of them. I have also seen people that have damaged their own ability to feel sorrow, to be ripped from family and friends due to loss of trust and faith. I have even seen some be cast into jail and prison because of their desire to take what they want, and not to care for the efforts of others in obtaining that which they have.<br />
<br />
While in foster care I was exposed to some boys that robbed a store and obtained large amounts of money (or what I considered to be large amounts at that time in my life - still significant by any means). I had to make a choice. Between those that did this and my ability to obtain some of this money by keeping my mouth shut. Or doing what I knew to be right and turning them over for their actions to the legal system. Looking back that decision was a big stepping stone in becoming who I am today. I have a family member that has spent years in prison and damaged the trust of family and friends because of the terrible side effects of stealing.<br />
<br />
To put it plainly. I learned for myself that stealing was terrible and addicting. I watched the damaging repercussions on those I loved due to stealing and lying. <br />
<br />
As I have tried to become a person others can rely on and look to for guidance, I have learned not to selfishly put myself first. <br />
<br />
I strongly believe to best way to overcome a desire to steal and to covet is to put aside your own selfish desires and to desire instead the welfare of others. When this change was in place in my heart. I no longer desired to steal or even to compare myself to others. Instead I desired to help to guide and to bless.<br />
<br />
This has helped me to find gratitude in my blessings, and to be forgiving and understanding towards others. I believe this same change of heart will do the same for any that are willing to allow this change in their life.<br />
<br />
I didn't stop stealing because of getting caught or because of anything else that scared me, but rather I believe I appreciate things much more when I earn them. I want to pass this on to my family and posterity. I simply want to be a good person, someone that leads people to be better. Whether this be myself, my family, my friends, or anyone else. I believe everyone wants to be trusted to be respected, and to be loved. This is why I put away stealing from my life.<br />
<br />
Since this time in my life, I feel much stronger about fairness and honesty. I see EVERYONE even criminals and those that have made bad choices of any nature (That is all of us) as not only people... But more importantly as people who can change, as people that in most cases want to change if only given the chance.<br />
<br />
I write this not only as a record to my children, but in a deep hope that I might bless those my writings come in contact with. In some ways I see my past as a dark hue like a number of the childhood stories I learned of those that overcame the darkest of pasts to become great. If I could dig just one person out of the rut I was in and help them become greater than they would otherwise have been; then spilling my past on this blog, and any perceptions that may come with it are all worth it.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-19646182196260695772014-10-01T11:13:00.000-07:002014-10-01T11:13:35.844-07:00Musings... Answers... Finding hope through Christ!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have recently thought a lot about a few questions that have really disturbed me. As I have pondered these I have spent days in prayer thinking and pondering what I ought to do and how to best accomplish the decision at hand.<br />
<br />
I had my first answer this morning and it was a welcome ray of sunshine after swimming through the darkness. I guess the first thing I should say is that no I am not going to disclose the circumstances, but that being said I would like to discuss the process it took for me to get to where I am now.<br />
<br />
As I faced the problem at hand I learned very quickly this would impact many people, and some of those impacts would be hard to deal with. My biggest concerns were the emotional impacts on others. The other concern was for myself, and this I will discuss openly. I found concern in how I have performed in my responsibilities in the past and whether or not I was handling things in a manner that is pleasing to God. This second concern came later because of my lack of perception.<br />
<br />
I found myself really struggling as I attempted to look at every angle of the decisions to be made and how I could possibly assure what I did addressed what was the most important. How could I make the best decision possible? As I wondered I knew the decision dealt with many important things. In fact to be direct what I consider the two most important aspects of my life, and they appeared to be at war.<br />
<br />
I knew one could give or the other, but how do you allow change to an aspect of your life that defines all you have worked for. I also personally believed that both options were important and both were good. <br />
<br />
People have faced tough decisions since the creation of man, and there are endless stories of people overcoming outrageous situations. <br />
<br />
And in this mindset my adventure began. I believed I had to make a decision between the two and this was my first flaw. I asked in prayer time and again to know the will of God in regards to which I needed to impact. I asked in differing ways and from every perspective I had considered. In fact it got to a point where I started to doubt myself and if I was going to get any answers. This is where the second questions came into play. This multiplied my problems, because I was not willing to accept that maybe both options could occur.<br />
<br />
As I spent days in prayer and struggling, I often pondered on the scriptures of Enos and his wrestle with the Lord, and many other scriptures. I considered my commitment to do the Lord's will regardless of the cost. I thought back on many of the experiences of my past and of the knowledge I have that Christ is the son of God and that he has experienced all we will ever go through. I spent hours and hours discussing with God the dilemma I considered myself to be in. <br />
<br />
However, as I started off to work this morning the concerns still in tow I caught a glimpse of more options than I had previously considered. I truly believe this was the start to my answers, and I believe these came from God. But what came next I know was from God...<br />
<br />
I changed my prayer and asked very differently from my previous prayers for the simple answer of how to approach what I needed. The answer was very simple and direct and in one sentence, as is often the case with the way our Heavenly Father speaks to us all was resolved. I didn't need to choose between the two good options. I simply needed to realize that my priorities in a non-related aspect of my life needed to change. Yes I will need to make some physical changes, and in some cases they will not be easy. However, do I trust the direction I received from God? The answer is a resounding yes, in fact I believe all of the answer and the multiple impacts it carries. <br />
<br />
Because of this I have made some changes and will continue to work on this new direction as it carries me forward to new heights and far away from the initial decisions that brought it about.<br />
<br />
<br />
The reason I write this and share it now is because I truly believe it may help others. First to know that God (and more specifically His Son Christ), can help us through anything no matter how complicated. Second I write this because when we turn to Christ and gain our answers, they are not always what we expected, or even what we thought we needed. <br />
<br />
I read an article today that made the following statement: "in 100% of cases there is a good reason and a real reason... <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A good solution solves one problem.
A real solution solves 100 problems.</span>" The reason the help we receive from our Savior is so good is that it deals with the real problems and the real solutions. Not the good problems and good solutions.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-58443271663774631002014-05-12T06:36:00.000-07:002014-05-12T06:36:01.696-07:00Life in Taylorsville part 2<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: black;">As a child I don't actually remember moving
to the house in Taylorsville, even though I have spotty memories prior
to this. It is in my mind as if this was simply the home I grew up in
until I was around 9. With that I will share more of my memories from
this period of my life.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: black;">There are many simple memories like making
nachos and sleeping on the trampoline and going shooting... I will
focus more on some of the memories that will not be as common... at
least not now.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: black;">One thing I have noticed is the difference
between how Saturday morning cartoons were a big deal when I was a
child. I remember getting up at 4 AM so I could catch the best cartoons
and then watching cartoons sometimes until noon. I remember favorites
like Voltron, Thundercats, Transformers, Go-Bots and the list goes on
and on. Of course this is not as interesting to me as the change in how
cartoon and video viewing has changed since I was a child. My children
watch the cartoons or shows they want on demand and when it is
convenient for them. Most of the shows can be found easily online or
through Netflix or other streaming options. Looking back I think this
is cool to see the huge discrepancy between experiences.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: black;">With that I will start into some of the experiences that changed me and gave me some of the perspectives I have. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: black;">As a child we raised goats for some time,
and I was often one to feed them and milk the females. On a side note I
used to butt heads with the females, because I thought it was fun (this
may explain some things for those who know me). We had a billy goat so
we could raise and breed the goats. To start with for those that do
not know much about goats (I would imagine this is a majority). I will
explain some grounding information about billy goats. Billy goats stink
like no other. This is because they urinate on themselves to attract
females. It's OK to cringe I think I did when I first learned this as
well. They are also quite grumpy animals if they do not get their way.
I will speak of one particular experience I had with our billy goat and how it almost got me killed.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: black;">Our billy goat was in heat and I was going
out to feed the goats. I started to notice he was always the first to
eat and that he would get what he wanted before any of the other goats
could eat. He had long curly horns, and was what I considered to be
bullying the other goats. I always had felt like I could handle him
pretty well and would play with him as well as the other goats. I
decided I was going to help the other goats that I thought should be
able to eat and enjoy their food as well. So I took food and started to
go to and feed specifically the other goats. This really made our
billy goat angry and he decided to teach me a lesson. He charged me
down and started to butt me. By this time I was pretty afraid and tried
to get away. He pinned me up against the fence and started butting me
(hitting me over and over with his horns). I was out of breath and
unable to move and he just kept going. I heard my father in the
background and screamed that the goat was killing me. He jumped the
fence and ended up trying to get the goat away which was not working.
He finally had to grab a 2x4 which was in our yard and broke it over the
goats head. This broke one of the billy goats horns, and it finally
backed off. I was taken to the house and cared for. This was quite
traumatic to me and I wondered what had flipped the switch and why he
was acting this way. I learned that as far as goats are concerned there
is a hierarchy and the billy goat is the top and decides how things work. I had basically stomped on his domination of the other goats, and infuriated him. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: black;">I learned a few things from this
experience, first that my father would do what it takes to save his
children; even to the extent of jeopardizing himself. He got hurt a
little as well and I am surprised at the strength of this billy goat, when in a frenzy. I
also learned much more about how quickly animals can take control and
that there is a safety in understanding why certain animals act in
certain ways. This gave me a new found respect for them and the power
they have.</span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: black;">We also had a mean rooster that we ended up
getting rid of ( think it could have fought in cock fights). I believe
I talked about raising chickens in a previous post... I was
responsible for gathering eggs and feeding them as well. As a person
can guess with raising animals as well as with pets people get
attached. There were a number of our animals I really liked and spent a
fair amount of time with. Because I really liked a number of our
animals, it was very difficult when I had to learn to kill animals so we
could prepare them for meals and for stores where we sometimes sold the
meat. I remember learning to prepare chickens and rabbits and other
animals for food. We had a chopping block where we would have to cut
the heads off of the fowls, and when preparing rabbits I had to learn to
break their necks so they could die as painlessly as possible. I even
learned to work with bigger animals like goats and deer and cows.
However I will not go into any gruesome details.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: black;">Although it may not make a lot of sense these
experiences taught me to show love and respect for the animals, and to
care for them as creations of God in a way that I knew of their
sacrifices and that they were caring for our needs. This taught me that
life is precious and to be cared for. I learned through these and
other experiences of the love God has for his creations and I have tried
to have the same respect as I live my life. This passed over into
hunting and the care of other animals as well. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: black;">I am in no way an animal activist, but I
respect and care for animals as a creation of God. I care for the world
and my brothers and sisters and all of God's creations. I echo the
thoughts of Adam that the world is glorious and beautiful.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: black;">One more experience... We used to have a
few doberman pinscher puppies and one day while driving up into the
mountains we stopped by a river. To make a long story short one of the
puppies fell into the river and we had to rush to get it out. I loved
those puppies and although all worked out well, I worried for those
puppies and know things could have turned out much different. I got in
trouble for not watching them the way I should have, if I remember right
I was told not to take them out of the car and decided to ignore the
warning. I was scared enough by the experience that I was much more careful when intrusted with a task of caring for them from that point on.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: black;">Through each of these experiences I learned more of trust, of differences and to respect them, of dedication and persistence. I was tried, but I learned much from the experiences of my youth and I am very grateful for them.</span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-47851438173089232462014-04-01T11:51:00.000-07:002014-04-01T11:51:01.825-07:00Hearing the voice of God<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have recently watched the Women's session of conference and have thoroughly enjoyed it. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qj-Ivgbjlms">Link to Women's Session of Conference</a> My oldest daughter was one of those that was able to attend for the first time. As I think of her standing and singing, and learning in her youth from the words of general leadership that will bless her life forever, my thoughts turn to my wife, and then my other children. <br />
<br />
I love General Conference time!!! I share my testimony that I know that God speaks through our prophet and other leaders and he does so twice yearly to the world. With my hundreds and even thousands of people I know through this blog, and other social media. I hope you will take time to listen to this conference. <a href="http://lds.org/">General Conference Link</a> The conference will take place this Saturday and Sunday over multiple segments and can be listened to after the fact as well. As you think about this and if you decide to listen I would encourage you to do two things.<br />
<br />
First, Pray to God about a question you may have. <br />
<br />
It can be anything. As you listen you will get the answer to your question. I know that this is true, and encourage you to share your thoughts and feelings after the fact, if you would like. As you listen to the talks given the answer will most likely come in a few ways. Something specifically said that answers your question. The answer may be given as you think on something that was said or that you feel. The answer may come in direct revelation from God. This means you may simply know the answer and that it is your answer, or a thought may come to your mind with the answer, you may have other ways in which this answer is given, but I know God answers questions and wants us to know Him.<br />
<br />
Second, think about one thing you can do in your life that will bring you closer to God and Christ.<br />
<br />
If you will find one thing that you hear that will bring you closer to God and work on it I know you will find strength that you never knew you had, and that you will feel God in your life and have a stronger desire to know Him more.<br />
<br />
For those that have read my blog previously you already know some of the things that have brought me closer to God and strengthened my relationship with a loving Father in Heaven. For those that have not you are welcome to read, and comment on anything I have written, and even ask for more details or specifics. I will say I may not give them unless prompted by the spirit to do so, but I will do all I can to answer your questions.<br />
<br />
Enjoy General Conference, and again share your feelings and thoughts. My blog is here to allow discussion and to help others find the joy that life can bring in all it's splendor.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-57163824766683087282014-03-27T08:13:00.001-07:002014-03-27T12:42:57.591-07:00Added Capabilities<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have recently added some new capabilities to my blog including search capabilities, and translate capabilities for those from other areas of the world. I have also standardized the blog more to the norms of other sites visited. If there are any other changes that you see that might be wanted or appreciated let me know and I will seriously consider them all.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-8396514128375482942014-03-26T13:02:00.000-07:002014-03-26T13:02:21.678-07:00Memories in Taylorsville<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The home I lived in the most while in my youth was the home in Taylorsville Utah. Most of my memories come from this home and they are plentiful. I want to talk a little about some of these memories.<br />
<br />
Some of my biggest memories are digging holes and trying to make an underground castle like in Voltron. Riding our horse and pony, playing with the goats and butting heads with them, collecting eggs from our chickens, and other experiences with our dogs, and cats and other animals. Pole vaulting, high jumping, running track and jumping hurdles, riding skateboards, sledding down hills, and bouncing on the trampoline. All of these are cherished memories and things I look back on with happiness and joy.<br />
<br />
This post may not get many hits, but I want the record for my family, and for me it is nice to look back and think about this time of my life.<br />
<br />
I will expound on a few of these memories in no order, just as they come to my mind. I remember sledding down a pretty steep hill we used to go to in the winter since we could get some great speed on it. The down side of this hill was that at the bottom of it was a ditch. We had to either get enough speed to jump it, or we had to stop before we got to it or we would get soaked by the frozen water. I remember getting soaked and having to head home freezing, because of this ditch. The hill was still our favorite place to go sledding. There was a little home at the top and to the left of the hill where the owners of the property lived. I tend to remember them not really liking us being on their property to sled. I think they were afraid we would get hurt. I can see why they would have felt that way now that I am older. At the time as a youth it was an annoyance to try to avoid. It also kind of added a suspense to sledding there.<br />
<br />
I remember we used to have our trampoline out in front of our house and we would jump off the roof and onto it and then do flips off of it onto the ground. (Maybe I should keep these stories hidden from my children until they are older). We would do all kinds of tricks and I think we got to where we could do doubles and other fun tricks on the trampoline, after jumping off the roof. Well one time we got very daring and decided we were going to move it out onto the basketball court behind the house and jump off the two story house next to ours to get more height. Our babysitter decided to go first and she jumped off the roof, unfortunately she went through the trampoline and hit the pavement below. The good news was the trampoline broke her fall before she hit the ground and she wasn't hurt. The downside we couldn't use the trampoline for quite some time again until we could replace the mat.<br />
<br />
Another fond memory is that there was a large field behind our house after going through our corral and jumping a fence there was a much larger field and ditch back there. This is not the story I was going to tell, but since it is on my mind I am changing directions. We used to play in the ditch quite often and there were a few water pipes that went underground. I remember we used to take a big breath and then go through the water pipes until we surfaced at the other end, and could again breath.<br />
As I look back on my childhood I am amazed I am still alive to tell these stories. I was crazy!!! <br />
<br />
So to the next story, in this large field a person that lived about 8 houses down the bigger street from us was a pretty big time skateboarder (at least I thought so). He built a half pipe behind his home in this large field and we would watch him do his tricks quite often. I really wanted to do it and he let us on a few times, but most of the time it wasn't allowed and so we turned to other skateboarding. We would skate down the pavement of the other side of the hill we would sled down in the winter. We would get going pretty fast, probably 20-30 miles per hour, and our skateboards would start to wobble before got to the bottom of the hill. One day as we were doing this I was most of the way down this hill and hit a rock and slid for quite a ways on the concrete. My body was so ripped up from the crash that I had to wear gauze padding over most of my body for around a month if I remember right, and I don't think we ever skateboarded down the hill again after that. We did talk about it and I even got tempted, but never did do it again.<br />
<br />
This same hill had a very steep decline, and my father would sometimes take us off of it in the car or motorcycle at 40-50 miles per hour so we would catch air and get butterflies in our stomachs. We would look down and see the valley below and feel like we were going to fall until we hit the street again and would slow down before the road ended down below. I can remember a few things about this, but will simply say the memories were amazing, and I truly loved them.<br />
<br />
Another memory I will write about is when I was breaking my horse. We had a tree out in our field and we would sometimes climb it or swing on the branches. In this memory those branches ended up being my enemy. I was riding my horse and he decided he was not wanting to be ridden at this time, but I wanted to show him I was in charge and got on and rode anyway. We went around the corral a few times and then he headed for the tree and ran right under it and ducked clipping me right off his back with one of the lower hanging branches and I ended up on the ground with the air knocked out of me. I suppose I was lucky to not have gotten hurt more.<br />
<br />
We used to high jump and pole vault out in our corral as well and that was where we would jump hurdles, and run. and dig holes... One day while we were out pole vaulting I decided to raise the bar and go for a new high. The bad thing was that we didn't have real pads behind the bar, we only had a few old mattresses, and not only did I clear the bar, but also cleared the mattresses and landed on my back on the hard ground of the corral. I honestly thought I was going to die, I think it took me around 30-45 seconds before I could catch my breath. To me it seemed like 5 minutes. I had enough time to stand up once I realized what was going on, and run toward the house in pure panic. I remember thinking I would die because I couldn't breath. After climbing over the fence my breath finally caught and I ran to my dad sobbing.<br />
<br />
Perhaps I will share more experiences from this time in my life in another post, but for now I need to wrap up and save them for later.<br />
<br />
A taste of the stories are getting attacked by our billy goat, our mean rooster, preparing chickens, raising rabbits, and some memories with our dogs (dog getting pulled down the river).<br />
<br />
Hope everyone enjoyed this post, if so let me know and I will gladly read and reply to your comments.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-21733354965677756822014-03-25T07:57:00.000-07:002014-03-25T07:57:51.370-07:00Trial by fire... When our house burned to the ground.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The next big item I think I should write about in my life was when our house in Taylorsville burned down, and we pretty much lost all of our worldly goods. There have been a few times in my life where I have lost most of my worldly possessions, this is the first I remember. I will also touch on another as I write this blog entry.<br />
<br />
When I was around 9 years old we lived in a house in Taylorsville Utah. I have more of my memories of my youth in this home than any other. I will write an entire blog entry at some point on some of the memories of this home and the multiple experiences I had there, but for now I will just touch on some I didn't plan on putting into that post. My mind is flooded with memories and they vary from catching dragonflies and spiders and mice, to stepping on nails, to blowing up watermelons, hanging out in the root cellar behind our house, skateboarding down the hill by our house, sledding, catching catfish in the Jordan river... It seems I could likely write a full post of memories just looking back.<br />
<br />
That being said Some of my greatest memories were that I excelled in scouting and earned every award I possibly could as a cub scout. We had many pictures, and all the things that come with having lived in a home for years. So back to the story...<br />
<br />
One Summer day as we were out playing we had started the BBQ grill and it was getting hot and ready to cook with, while we played. We had a back storage area behind our house that we filled with excess papers from our paper routes and would take them to be recycled from time to time in order to make a little extra money, we probably had at least a few truckloads at the time of the fire.<br />
<br />
We had some struggles with some of our neighbors over animals and other disagreements. Some that stick out the most is our horse getting out of it's corral, and people being annoyed at us (the children in our family) being all over around the neighborhood. I am sure there was more than this, but these stick out to me. I also remember one of my uncles came over to our house to beat up my father, and my mother hitting him with the broom until he left. At a minimum it can be said there were hard feelings going around. <br />
<br />
The day the fire happened, I saw one of our neighborhood boys jump our fence and run to his house. I headed into the yard wondering what was going on and the BBQ grill was tipped over onto the newspapers behind the house. We tried frantically to put out the fire but it spread far too quickly and the home burned to the ground, before the fire department showed up and put it out. <br />
<br />
We cannot say for certain that the neighborhood boy had tipped over the grill, and at this point it doesn't really matter. There was a breeze that day, and we determined that day that whether there was malice or not we were not going to push after it.<br />
<br />
On the downside, I lost almost all pictures of my youth and everything we had as a family. For a while it was pure shock. I just didn't know what we were going to do and everything was gone. We moved to another home and moved on with our lives, and from the experience I truly learned that you can lose all of your worldly possessions and still make due. We were very grateful that all of our family was safe and nobody was injured or harmed.<br />
<br />
I also learned that people are generally good and want to help those that are struggling. I believe we received most of our needs through the kindness and donations and help of others during this time. <br />
<br />
<br />
I will write shortly about one other time in my life when I lost everything as far as worldly possessions are concerned. This is not nearly as dramatic and was at least to a degree my own fault.<br />
<br />
I was around 18 or 19 at the time and had amassed quite a large video collection as well as many other items from my life. Some of the most precious were my trophies from martial arts competitions and the electronics I had bought. That being said I was in a rather precarious situation in my life and was living in Georgia. I had fallen back into some of previous struggles and was not the man I needed to be to put it simply. I had at least in part returned to church activity, but was with the wrong crowd and still really struggling. I will write a few posts about this period of my life at some later point.<br />
<br />
To make a long story short I was contacted by my parents who were living in Arizona at the time and they offered to take me in. I couldn't take all my belongings with me across the country, so I ended up leaving them with friends, and by the time we could go back for them, many months later they were no longer where they had previously been.<br />
<br />
There are a number of things I learned from these experiences, and the first is that worldly possessions hold very little to no importance when it comes to the grand scheme of things. It is very hard to lose them especially at the time, and often I would wonder how I would ever recover. However now both experiences are just memories and there is very little I miss from the possessions. In the place of those items however is a strong understanding that it is more important to be kind and loving and patient than to have nice things. That it is far more critical to learn to be humane than to seek revenge or to let hate fester and destroy happiness. I learned that often times we put our trust in the things we have, rather than the people we are and can become.<br />
<br />
I have often heard elderly people say it's just stuff, when a beautiful object is broken or damaged by a child, and I know that perspective came at a cost. I am grateful to have gained these perceptions earlier in life than some. They have blessed and strengthened me and others when hard times come, and have built an appreciation for the people in my life that mean so much. I am grateful for the chance to lift others and help them in their times of need. I have learned more of the perceptions of a loving Heavenly Father that only wants to build us up and help us become like him, and help us attain his attributes in our lives.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-7691910702346590812014-03-21T11:59:00.002-07:002014-03-21T11:59:43.052-07:00Sexual Abuse. Impacts on perception. Turn to Christ.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I am going to post about some of the sexual abuses that happened to me as a child and how they impacted me and some of my perceptions. As others come to understand this side of my life they come to understand more of me and why I take many of the stands I do in my life.<br />
<br />
I know a number of others who have gone through sexual abuse and these are some of the darkest and worst struggles faced in this world. Before I start the Lord says that he values the chastity of women and the purity of women and children, in many places. In Jacob the Lord states through the Prophet Jacob, "For I, the Lord God, delight in the <sup class="studyNoteMarker">a</sup><a class="footnote" href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/jacob/2?lang=eng#" id="footnote36" rel="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/footnote?lang=eng&volumeUri=bofm&bookUri=jacob&chapterUri=2&noteID=28a">chastity</a> of women. And <sup class="studyNoteMarker">b</sup><a class="footnote" href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/jacob/2?lang=eng#" id="footnote37" rel="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/footnote?lang=eng&volumeUri=bofm&bookUri=jacob&chapterUri=2&noteID=28b">whoredoms</a> are an abomination before me; thus saith the Lord of Hosts." (Jacob 2:28) Chastity is valued of the Lord greatly and for this reason the Lord says, Whosoever looketh upon a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery in his heart. This applies equally to men and children as well.<br />
<br />
I was very young the first time I was sexually abused. I may have been abused before my first memories, and likely was, but I will start at my first memories.<br />
<br />
I first remember being sexually abused a few times in the home of one of my aunts by her daughter(s). I explicitly remember once in the bathroom downstairs, and once in one of the bedrooms upstairs. I do not know how extensive this was or on how many occasions it occurred, but I remember the home well. We went there often through my childhood and into my youth, and would go to go swimming or to stay with their family. I also think on this because one of those who sexually abused me at this time in my life later came back to me and apologized for doing so.<br />
<br />
The next time I remember being sexually abused was by one of my relatives that stayed with one of my grandmothers. She became our babysitter and often would take me aside to perform sexual acts with her of varying sorts. These were quite varied and extreme in many cases, and occurred regularly over a number of years, from my first memories, until I was at least 6 or 7, maybe even 8 or 9.<br />
<br />
The point of sharing this is to helps others to understand that to me these were very normal and the thought of the sexual actions that took place were regular. They were not looked at as out of the ordinary or even a bad thing. I actually believed these actions were how a person showed love. I was often told you don't talk about them because they are special to the people they were with, so until I was 13 or 14 I never talked about any of these things with anyone. I believe signs were there, but they were likely overlooked since they would have been my norm, and common to me throughout my life up to that point.<br />
<br />
I will also share one other experience along with these others. When I was around 8 or 9 years old I went to stay with an aunt for a few weeks in Southern Utah. While I stayed with her and her family there was an occurrence where I was again with a cousin (different than the others up to this point) and experienced sexual abuse at this point. Where she not much older than I and a relative I may have at this point already have considered this a sexual situation rather than abuse, because I completely consented and at this point rather enjoyed the experience.<br />
<br />
The point of this post is two-fold first I want to point out that when a person grows up with certain circumstances they consider them typically normal and regular. I believe this to be the case with all forms of abuse and addictions as well. Second, when these types of perceptions are imposed upon a person especially from infancy or early childhood, they deal with them for an extremely long time, if not forever. <br />
<br />
I believe people can over come the past. To go beyond this I believe a person can overcome anything from their past with one exception, and I will not go into this here. I will say it is extremely rare and most likely none reading this will ever deal with it, or even have exposure to it. <br />
<br />
A person can change their behavior and beliefs and actions. Many of the emotions and desires and appetites that come are far harder to overcome, but can also be overcome similar to how any addiction is overcome. Remnants of the experience forever remain with those that are affected to some degree or another even in the best of cases.<br />
<br />
I also believe strongly that Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ often allow terrible things to happen for a number of reasons. One is free agency, and to allow justice to be fulfilled. The one I want to focus on is that trials and tribulations build us up and allow us to become strong, and in some cases exceptionally strong. <br />
<br />
I despise sexual abuse in all its forms. I also understand that in some cases the abuser is just as addicted or acting out of habit as much as any other addict. I know the struggles of sexual abuse (and other sexual addictions) are some of the hardest things in the world to overcome. In fact this goes for physical and mental abuse as well. I have gone through many of them. I have overcome smoking addictions, and drinking and other bad habits, and multiple forms of abuse. I have some level of comparison to how difficult these addictions were to get over. For me the sexual addictions I faced as a result of my circumstances were by far harder to overcome than any other addiction I faced in my life. I can truly say they will likely be something I deal with throughout this life, and the same goes for other abuses.<br />
<br />
Although these situations led me through many of the most difficult struggles I have faced in life, I am extremely grateful for them. They gave me insight into the heart of man that I otherwise would never have gained. More importantly they helped me gain a relationship with my Heavenly Father that likely could not have been obtained in any other way. I believe the abuses I faced were meant to strengthen me so I could become the man the Savior needed me to be in this life. <br />
<br />
I have been told on many occasions through the spirit and by others that understanding these things has been a strength and support to them. I hope and pray others who face similar or even different struggles can find this same comfort and the same strength I have found. And more importantly that their resolution will be in Christ and his infinite atonement. That is where my greatest growth and forgiveness and relief have come from.<br />
<br />
For more information on this please feel free to comment. I will gladly discuss anything written here and even talk personally with those who would like as possible. That being said, I will likely not go into much more if any more detail of the abuses that took place. Though I remember each of them clearly the purpose of this is not to expound on abuse, but to give comfort that anything we face in life can be overcome by turning to Christ.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-13071364297235296982014-03-20T12:32:00.001-07:002014-03-20T12:32:44.105-07:00Learning to work... Learning to play<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
As I have discussed in previous posts money was often a struggle for my family as we grew up. This post talks about the work I did with my family, and how it helped for a portion of my youth to overcome this burden.<br />
<br />
Starting at a young age, probably around 3 or 4 I remember getting up in the middle of the night as my parents would get newspaper routes and fold papers and then take them out and deliver them. I remember watching TV early on and still remember some of the shows which included "Captain Kangaroo", "Leave it to Beaver", and "The Andy Griffeth Show". Around these ages I also started learning to fold newspapers and to help where I could to get things ready so my father could go deliver them. A few times I was also able to go with him and deliver newspapers.<br />
<br />
Little did I know that newspapers would be a big part of my life through portions of my youth. <br />
<br />
There were years where my father worked other jobs, these varied from working in the oil fields, to laying foundations for homes, to framing, and other jobs he could get.<br />
<br />
Besides those years newspapers played a part of my life until the time I was10 or 11. I remember as I got older that I started getting up at 1 or 2 in the morning and I would go pick up papers with my father and my little brothers. We would fold them as we drove and my father would throw them. We got more and more routes and eventually we were delivering newspapers to a chunk of the Salt Lake Valley. We later picked up routes on I believe it was Wednesdays and Thursdays, but I don't remember for sure. But I get ahead of myself.<br />
<br />
There came a point where we had more routes than we could possibly deliver by car in the time allotted so we started running routes. Me and my younger brother (eventually brothers) would get in the car and we would have the younger boys folding newspapers while the older boys would grab the number of newspapers needed for a street and run the street while the car took another street and delivered it. We got to where we were running side streets and meeting the car at the end of a street to start the next section of streets. We would leave the tailgate in the station wagon down and we would hop on for the short stints in between routes.<br />
<br />
This became a norm and we got very fast and very athletic, we could run straight for sometimes up to 6 hours, and on Wednesdays and Thursdays sometimes up to 16 hour days were spent in delivering papers. I believe this was one of the most financially stable periods of our families life to that point and we started later in the process getting doughnuts or breakfast at the end of the runs. We even started being able to buy some niceties. For example I wanted a stereo and my dad bought it for me. and I even got an 8 track player for my room (boy am I dating myself). <br />
<br />
Anyway, these are some of the greatest memories. Spending time with my father and brothers, seeing how fast we could get routes thrown and racing each other and even running alongside the car to see how fast we could get going in miles per hour. <br />
<br />
There are many other memories that go along with this. Like getting chased by dogs, or dealing with Sunday papers. <br />
<br />
We learned to work hard and to play just as hard. We learned that even when we didn't think we could do something if we put our hearts into it we usually could. We learned that our bodies could get really strong and though we often would want to stop, we could make it through. We learned that when you wake up in the middle of the night and your body is not used to it you can get really sick, and when you are you can still push through it.<br />
<br />
We also learned that things get easier the more you do them. That life has a way to build you up no matter where you may have come from. <br />
<br />
We grew strong as a family, and strong in our relationships to each other. We came to trust each other and eventually my father would drop each of us off and we could finish whole areas of town, and he would just come pick us up after dropping off others.<br />
<br />
Looking back I realize much of this work was behind the scenes very few people saw us, but we impacted many many lives. We were at a very young age a great impact to the well being of our family and their is much good that can be done no matter how old a person is. I am so grateful for these experiences. They prepared me for many of my successes in sports and in life.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-87391587783936624322014-03-20T11:24:00.000-07:002014-03-20T11:24:49.789-07:00Elementary years - Kindergarten and part of first grade.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0in;
mso-para-margin-right:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0in;
line-height:115%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->As a child I always loved school. This post is about the first year and a half of school which I attended at a public school. After that I was home schooled for much of my youth.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have a lot of school memories:</div>
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>Making Valentine boxes and giving valentines</li>
<li>I played chess and we had a school competition I really enjoyed playing chess</li>
<li>At a school carnival we had a karate studio come in and do a karate demonstration I first started karate after this</li>
<li>I really enjoyed singing and singing time and play time were some of my favorite school memories</li>
<li>In first grade we had our first reading competition, I determined to read the Book of Mormon as a 6 year old and was told I could count each chapter as a book.</li>
<li>Speech therapy </li>
<li>Like many children recess was one of my favorite times. </li>
</ul>
<br />
I will expound on these and just share memories in this post. This is mostly just to have a record of some of my school memories and to pass that on. For others who enjoy this it will simply be some interesting tidbits about my younger years.<br />
<br />
One memory I did not put in the list but which impacted me and is a bad memory during this time was that during kindergarten I once had an accident and it was horrible to me. We had a rule in kindergarten that we needed to wait until after the lesson to use the restroom. I really had to use the bathroom this day and when the lesson was done much of the class raced to the two restrooms between the two kindergarten classes that shared a room. As I waited in the line I was really struggling... and to make this short and sweet did not make it to the restroom before losing control. I had to have my parents bring me a change of clothes from home and I sat in the restroom and waited for them because I didn't want to be with the class. I do remember some mean comments after the fact and some bullying. <br />
<br />
The previous story kind of leads into my desire to defend myself. I had always been taught not to fight and to be kind to everyone, my parents started to change their tunes though as I was getting beat up and bullied. <br />
<br />
Part way into the year we had a school carnival. One of the strong memories that stands out is that I wanted to go on a hot air balloon ride with my parents, but we couldn't afford to go. My family was sad about this, because they thought it would be a lot of fun. <br />
<br />
Another big memory from the carnival was that they had a few presentations. There was a man that trained hawks and falcons and eagles. He brought in a few and they flew around us in the gym and I always liked birds of prey since this time in my life. I have often wanted to have a falcon or other bird even now I think that would be really awesome.<br />
<br />
The last presentation I remember was a karate demonstration. It was for dragon style kempo karate and because of the earlier events my parents found a way to get me enrolled. I went for a while and they decided a closer studio would be better, so I started doing tiger style kempo at another studio and did that for a while as well. At one point in first grade I remember a group of boys (they considered themselves a gang) would often pick on many of the children. <br />
<br />
One day they were chasing some children and I stepped in. They started chasing me and I ran and then stopped and tripped the leader of this group. He fell and got hurt and we both had to go see the principle. I was commended for helping the other boys and this group got scolded. The next day I was told the leader of this group had brought a knife to school and was playing to stab me after school. My father came and got me on his motorcycle and we drove home together. This was a rare occurrence since I normally walked and the experience sticks out for this reason. The next day I was taken out of school and was home schooled until I went into a part year of 5th grade.<br />
<br />
<br />
Now I would like to share some of my other memories of school and shed a little light on some of the things I enjoyed as a child. <br />
<br />
The first thought that comes to mind is going to speech therapy. I believe I struggled to say my r's and so once a week I would meet with the speech therapist. I believe we only met for one year. Many things were done to help me, but the thing that stands out the most was that we used hypnotherapy at least for a little while. I thought this was really cool and whatever we did worked, because I have no problems with speaking distinctly and clearly to this day in any manner.<br />
<br />
I also remember we used to sing songs, a few of the songs I really like come from this time in my life. "Why are there so many songs about rainbows...", "Once there was a snowman...", "This land is our land...", "Over the river and through the woods, to grandmothers house we go..." these are just a few of the songs we sang. I think this was one of my favorite things to do was to sing. <br />
<br />
As I have mentioned previously we didn't have a lot of money and we struggled to do many things. When we had Valentines day boxes that we needed to make for valentines day I made one at home as well as making each valentine for the class from colored paper and hand wrote each message to the members of the class. I remember getting mocked for this, and often I was mocked for my clothes, the kids would say I was a DI (Deseret Industries) boy and talk about how their clothes came from normal stores. I never knew much of a difference and don't think anyone could tell a difference, but it was just a part of my life.<br />
<br />
I have always been one who got along well with teachers and loved learning new things. I learned to play chess while in kindergarten and was a decent chess player by the time I was in first grade. We had a chess club for the school and I was allowed to play with the club. I really enjoyed this and was considered on of the better players. We had a competition and I made it a way into the games until I was beat at the end of a round by a player because I missed a small move I could have made and beat myself up over it for some time. Now I think it was a great learning point for me because I realized that everyone makes mistakes and learning from them is very important.<br />
<br />
I will share two more thoughts and then I will wrap this post up. In first grade we had our first reading competition. I loved reading and enjoyed this very much. I was one of the kids that went home and would read all the time, from school to bed and any break I got. When the competition started I asked my teacher if I could read the Book of Mormon for my books, she thought this was an odd request, but decided it was above the reading level of most of the books the other children where reading and told me I could count each chapter I read as a book. I committed to reading and finished the book of Mormon for the first time in my life during this competition. I also read many other books. I loved going to the library and read many books during this time. Doctor Seuss was one of my favorites. I remember finding a large book full of Doctor Seuss books and reading the whole thing. When the competition ended I had read over 300 books and won the competition by over 100 books more than all the others in the competition.<br />
<br />
This helped me early on to gain a great love for the Book of Mormon. It also helped me understand the language of the scriptures early on so that as I read throughout my life I have been able to better understand what the prophets are teaching, without struggling with the varying language used.<br />
<br />
The final memories I would like to talk about are those of being outside and very active. I remember being very fast. I was short and I was a lot like my son Joey is now. I loved running and all things either sports related or playground related. Monkey bars where a favorite and I would always try to skip more bars until I would launch myself into the air between bars to get farther. My obsession with new and active things even went to where I would Spiderman up the brick walls of the school. Using my fingers I would get between the cracks in the bricks and climb the one story to the top of the building then jump to the ground.<br />
<br />
Being very active was something that carried through most of my life and has blessed me in many ways. Field day was a day I loved and being able to run all the way around our play yard at the school many times was great fun.<br />
<br />
As I think back on these years I have been extremely blessed. I could never write in a single article all the things that I remember even in this simple year and a half, and many memories I cannot touch on now run through my mind as I write this article. I hope this becomes precious to my family and children and that others can find use in the words and memories.<br />
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-47270472107112815712014-03-19T11:32:00.002-07:002014-03-19T11:32:42.414-07:00Little miracles. Coming to know God. #God #spiritual #service #Jesus <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Service brings us closer to God than most other things. I have learned that if I want to understand my Heavenly Father better, it is through service that I usually learn what it is that I desire.<br />
<br />
In this post I want to talk about an experience that had a large impact on me, and I believe my cousin that I worked with as well. In sharing this I am not trying to paint myself as a saint, or puff my pride or anything of that nature. I am attempting to share how one experience touched my life and brought me closer to a loving Heavenly Father.<br />
<br />
The experience happened when I was living in Taylorsville, Utah and was a young boy, likely around the age of 8 or early 9. I had a cousin that was pretty extremely handicapped and had a disease that made it very difficult for him to get around. He struggled because of this and we would spend time together at the basketball court between our houses playing and talking. I once asked him if he would like to walk and play, and he wanted that very badly.<br />
<br />
I decided to take it upon myself to help him get out of his wheelchair and walk. I knew it was more than just a teaching experience because he had never walked, and his muscles couldn't support him. At the time I just knew it would take a miracle to allow him to do what he wanted, and he even said it isn't possible. Even before we started all hope of success seemed impossible.<br />
<br />
We spent days, then weeks, and then months just working on balancing him and allowing him to stand, and then to take a step which was an amazing day. After months of work and many frustrations and struggles, he took his first set of steps. I believe the most he ever did was to walk about halfway across the one half of a basketball court, but to him that was the greatest success ever. I felt this was amazing and I was witnessing a miracle. His parents became concerned that we were pushing him too hard, and insisted we stop the nonsense. He also was concerned and agreed with his parents. After that we were never able to work on this again.<br />
<br />
I learned some amazing things from this experience though:<br />
<br />
First I learned understanding for those less fortunate, not just those that are handicapped in some way but to see the struggles of those around me. More importantly I learned to lift others when possible. There is nothing that our Heavenly Father has that he does not want us to have. There is nothing that we face he is not willing to help us through.<br />
<br />
Second I learned that we have to respect the wishes of those who care for us. It was very difficult for me to let my cousin sink back on his desires based on the decision of his parents, but it was the right thing to do. From this I learned that Heavenly Father will respect the free agency of us and those around us. Some things are out of our control, and we need to be aware of that. More importantly we need to allow others their free agency so they can make the choices they feel are right.<br />
<br />
Another thing I learned from this is that people can give up when things seem to be going well. I don't know if this was for the better or not in my story, but I know I was blessed by having the experience. In fact, I was more blessed by letting my friend and his family make their choice and not pushing things.<br />
<br />
This experience as a whole helped me to understand that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ want us to know them and be like them. They care more than we likely will ever understand, and even though we constantly stumble and fall they are always there to lift us up if we will not give up on ourselves or on them. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-54661562114008899012014-03-13T05:21:00.000-07:002014-03-13T09:44:59.403-07:00Facing fears... The dreaded moment of truth.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0in;
mso-para-margin-right:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0in;
line-height:115%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">For my next blog entry I am going to write about the first time I ever spoke in church. I know many people who struggle with speaking in front of people to this day and I often get comments about how easy it is for me to speak in front of people. I share this story so others might know that was not always the case, and that to overcome any fear we must understand and face it. I will also share a few other stories including the story of the first time I sang in front of an audience of of around 500 people, and then in front of a board room. Anyway, enough with the intro.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;"> I was around 8 years old the first time I talked in front of a church meeting. It was a big meeting for the AUB church and had around 1000 people present (This is a complete estimate and may be way off). It would probably be comparable for most of my LDS friends to speaking in a big stake conference meeting. Around this age I also enjoyed singing and had around this same time sung, "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief" in front of a smaller group where we had around 30-50 people. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">It doesn't really matter what I talked about in this big meeting (I'm not sure I could remember if it did). The point I wish to make is what did I feel as I went to talk to this large group. Writing this is interesting to me as I look back; because, I don't remember being afraid when I sang the song in front of the smaller group. Most of which were family and friends who lived right around me. This comparison is critical because it gets to the heart of the fear in my mind, and may give some additional details into the fears of those that struggle with speaking in front of others. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">As I spoke to the larger group I was completely terrified. My uncle had spoken just before me and we had talked about being afraid, we were around the same age and good friends. When it was my turn to speak I wanted to turn and run off the stage, and I was so scared that my legs were literally struggling to keep me up, as I stood at the mic in front of the large group. If I remember right I didn't say anything for some time until someone came up and helped me from the church leadership seated behind me. I made it through the talk and believe it or not once I got going it was much easier. Likely because I was focused on the talk and not being in front of everyone.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">I firmly believe one of the things that has helped me feel comfortable speaking to bigger groups is reading the scriptures and knowing them. They teach, "If ye are prepared ye shall not fear." I also think teaching for many years has helped calm my fears. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">When I think back on this I have a lot of compassion for those that struggle and who read their talks. I will go off on a short tangent. I believe reading talks is a great tool, and I also believe it is needed in many cases. I can speak well with or without reading a talk. There are times I will write down a talk and read it to follow a strict outline or to make sure I cover important material exactly. I have heard some say that reading a talk is bad and doesn't allow the speaker to follow the spirit, and I disagree with that logic. For those afraid of speaking (and anyone else for that matter) reading a talk is not a bad thing. The spirit can guide you on what to write and say whether a talk is written or not. That being said I'll get off my soap box.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">As I think on what I have written, here are some questions that come to my mind. What was I really afraid of? Why was I afraid of it and how have I gotten comfortable talking in front of others now? I will attempt to answer these questions through the other stories I will tell and the following dialog.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">I have always enjoyed writing music and more specifically lyrics, so when I was working for the LDS church for the first time in 2007 I jumped at the opportunity to write a spoof to the ICS Cultural Beliefs which was requested for an all hands meeting for the then 500-600 employees. I was accepted to write my song and perform it for the meeting, (and will gladly get the file to any interested). I got it all written and practiced it well. I left for the all hands meeting which was taking place in a large theater in downtown Salt lake City, Utah. And sung the song over and over as I walked to the meeting. When I got there, I did really well and a short time later was allowed to record a handful of my music at the church's recording studio. This was a big enough hit that I was also invited to sing my song in front of the CEO for the church. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">When the day to sing for the CEO came I headed to the COB (Church Office Building) and up to the floor I was to meet with the CEO and directors with. Again I practiced well and felt ready for the challenge, but the closer the meeting got the more nervous I became. When I was at the meeting the CEO was unable to attend and so I sang for the directors. I made mistakes in the second singing I never came close to making in front of a larger audience because of fear.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">So this brings me back to my questions. What was I really afraid of, I believe part of the answer was impressing those with authority, and part was wanting to look good or at least not look bad. But why would I do well with the bigger audience and not the smaller one... I believe I saw the majority of those around me as peers and not someone I needed to impress. The final thing that I think impacted me is not feeling I had the understanding those around me had. Why does any of this matter...? Because for me to conquer my fear I had to understand it. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">I believe understanding the root of a fear is the first step to overcoming any fear. To explain this I will turn to another story.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">Another good example of this was my fear of heights. I was terrified of heights most of my youth and up until I was 21 or so. One day I realized it was just as nauseating to look up a large building as to look down one. I then realized the distance was the fear for me not falling or feeling insecure. I started to reason... How could I get nauseous and dizzy if I was standing on firm ground looking up a building, I had to ask myself? I was then able to understand and face the fear of heights by going to the top of the highest building and looking down long enough to clear my head and let the fear go (I started on the ground and looked up first until I got over the fear). I also helped overcome this by flying in small Cesna airplanes and showing myself I need not be afraid, by watching the ground get further away and closer during take-offs and landings. The previous fear of heights has been overcome enough that I can walk to the edge of a cliff and look over, or many other things I never could do earlier in my life.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">Back to my previous examples of the song and the speaking... With my feelings of needing to impress those in authority I learned I needed to change my views. I still have to work on this. Instead of portraying itself in fear it shows up in other annoying traits of mine. I personally believe we should always be re-evaluating our perceptions and changing them as needed based on the spirit and our experiences.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">Although this entry is getting long I will add one more story to it. I recently came from the Salt Lake temple and met Elder Russell M. Nelson as I was walking. I felt the need to talk to him about a subject that has been
on my mind a lot lately. The purpose of sharing this is not to focus on
anything except the fact that in my mind as we talked my thoughts were
not focused on impressing him, though he is one of the greatest leaders in the LDS church at this time. The thoughts on my mind were to find an answer (if possible), and to not interrupt his schedule at all if possible. The respect for others and their time being my key concern.</span></span> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">I firmly believe that we are all capable of excellence, and the achievements of others is not something to fear (or covet) but to praise. I had to realize that a position of authority is simply placed upon a person to allow them and others to accomplish specific things, and does not change who that person is. Except to the extent that we all grow from our experiences. By changing my viewpoint I was able to for the most part </span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">overcame the </span></span>fear of speaking in public. By recognizing it and addressing the root of the concern in my mind.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">What are some key take-a ways from this:</span></span></div>
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">Fears are typically caused by a number of things and not typically a single thing. Following is a small list I thought of based on this short review:</span></span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">Our perceptions</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">A lack of understanding </span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">Concerns for the perceptions of others</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">Not getting the big picture</span></span></li>
</ul>
<li><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">I had to understand the cause of my fears to overcome them</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">I needed to know why the cause of my fears impacted me</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">I needed to evaluate the cause and change my perceptions where they were wrong</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">By doing these things I have been able to overcome most if not all of my fears</span></span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;"></span></span><br />
<div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">The purpose of this blog post is two-fold. First to capture my experiences and relate them to some of the struggles of my friends. Second to hopefully help some overcome some of their fears, or at least understand how I overcame some of mine. My wife has often commented that I am not afraid of anything. I don't know that that is true, but I do know that at a minimum I can control my fears and care for the things I need to work on. I contribute this in part to the things written here.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">I cannot write all of the logic behind my perceptions and how I deal with fear, but I believe I have made a sizable dent in it with this post. </span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-37713975798984852892014-03-08T19:36:00.001-08:002014-03-08T19:36:36.589-08:00Opposition in all things. <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
For those that remember my comments on how my life was saved by divine
intervention, I now want to talk briefly about the other side of this
blessing. This will likely be the only time I write about this.<br />
<br />
The Lord says through the prophet Lehi to his son Jacob there will be
opposition in all things. In 2 Nephi 2:11 "<b>For it must needs be,
that there is an opposition in all things</b>..." Along with strong
spiritual blessings from God the devil is allowed to interject his power to the
extent of the blessings we are given. This is seen with experiences
throughout the scriptures, and the biggest story of this that comes to mind is
that of the prophet Joseph Smith.<br />
<br />
I do not like this topic and avoid it as much as possible, but have felt as
I deal with other topics of my life that I need to share this. I have
done some in depth study of this, and feel it much more gratifying to focus on
the relationship with God and the bounteous blessings it offers than on the
devil and his minions. That being said it is important to understand that
he is as real as our Heavenly Father and that we all are involved in a literal
war between the two.<br />
<br />
My first experience with this came at a young age. I had an evil
spirit take the image of a young girl and haunt me for almost a week
straight. It finally got to the point where my father stepped in and gave
me a priesthood blessing.<br />
<br />
As I have stated in earlier posts I believe God blesses us based on our
faith and faithfulness. I believe strongly that I was blessed to have
this spirit driven away according to the desires of my heart and the faith of
my family and I. That being said I do not believe it was according to the
power of God or any priesthood believed to be held by the AUB church and it's
members. <br />
<br />
<br />
The next experience also happened while in my youth. I still remember
the experience as vividly as if it had happened yesterday. I was sleeping
over at the homes of one of my grandmothers and was in a bedroom at the end of
the hall. The bathroom was the next room over from me and the first door
to the right as I left the room to go down the hall on the lower complex of a
fourplex where 4 of my grandmothers lived. This was the only time I
remember staying over night at this particular house. Although I did go
to a birthday party at it as well at one point, and walked through it often as
we left church meetings which were held in a larger room in the middle of the
two lower apartments of the fourplex.<br />
<br />
With these details in mind I start my story. I was sleeping over in
this basement room and got up to go use the restroom. While I was there I
felt burdened by a very negative feeling. I went to wash my hands and I
saw a number of small devils all over. They were all about 3-4 inches
high in the form they took and terrifying to a child young as I was. I am
guessing there were 15 or more of them. I tried to scream and they held
my tongue so I could not. They were extremely strong and held me mostly
immobile though I tried to struggle with all my might. I cried to the
Lord in my mind for I could not use my voice. That was the last thing I
remember. The next morning I woke up in my bed and was grateful that the
ordeal was over. <br />
<br />
Since writing this I have inquired of the Lord and was
able to know how this finished playing out that night. I write this
according to my vision. As I prayed an angel of the Lord entered the room
and my mind was veiled. The spirits left immediately and the angel helped
me to my bed where I quickly fell asleep due to the lack of strength from the
fight and the experience.<br />
<br />
<br />
The final experience I will share happened while I was a young adult.
I was in my room and as with many spiritual experiences this happened in my
minds eye (or in other words it was more like a vision than something I
actually saw with my natural eyes). I was in a room where I had never
before been. I believe it to be a vacated hospital, based on the memory
and the layout of the room and hallway leading from it. I could feel the
evil around me. <br />
<br />
As those that have experienced the wonderful feelings of the Holy Ghost know
those feelings are strong and penetrate your entire body. A person cannot
help in some cases but to know they come directly from God. This was
exactly the opposite. I was literally terrified. <br />
<br />
By this time in my life I had joined the Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-Day Saints and had been ordained an elder. According to my beliefs
this means I have been given the power of God as were Christ and his apostles
to work many mighty miracles and act in the name of God. <br />
<br />
As I recognized the feelings and noticed the connection between the other
experiences with Satan and his followers. I started to turn my heart
towards the Savior. At this time a very attractive woman in complete
black walked through the wall into the room and started to approach me. I
commanded her to leave and she smirked at me and kept advancing. I then
used a sign of the priesthood and commanded her in the name of Christ to leave
and she became very angry. I knew she wanted to kill me, where she had
previously wanted to attract me. I stood my ground and she left through the
wall in the manner she had entered the room.<br />
<br />
<br />
Now I will share a short comment about my beliefs: I believe that
those that follow Satan can take many forms, even to make themselves appear as
an angel of light. I know that when those spirits from Satan approach us there
is hesitancy and fear, and the feelings are not good that over take us.
Whereas the good experiences I have had were enlightening and physical beauty
was never used as an enticement, but rather Heavenly personages are glorious
and beautiful beyond description because of their very natures.<br />
<br />
I wrote this simply to demonstrate to those that follow my blog and those
that may read it in the future that these things are real and we all experience
both the good and the bad. Typically Satan and his followers do not wish
to be known. They can much more easily tempt and try us if we are unaware
of their presence, but they will not hesitate to use fear and other methods of
persuasion to their advantage.<br />
<br />
I pour out my heart to all those that read this that they be watchful and
pay close attention to the spirit of Christ which is given to every person that
comes into this world to distinguish good from evil. It will guide us
back to the presence of our Heavenly Father. Do not be deceived, because
wickedness never was happiness. We can find temporary reprieve from the
things of this world through wickedness, but the consequences are never worth
it. True happiness is only found in doing the things we know to be right
and continuing on as we grow in truth and light.<br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0in;
mso-para-margin-right:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0in;
line-height:115%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]--></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-58614712407639002422014-03-05T09:55:00.000-08:002014-03-05T09:55:30.264-08:00I crossed the line and shared too much... Talking to God... Letting go of the pressure!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I was having a discussion the other day about hurtful feelings and would like to talk about this a little in my blog.<br />
<br />
As many of my friends and family believe it is important that we talk to God (our Heavenly Father) regularly. Praying and talking to God I believe is a critical part of our closeness to our Father in Heaven, and leads to a closer relationship with our Savior as well. This is especially true as we seek forgiveness.<br />
<br />
I would like to focus this on a specific object of Prayer however, and that is overcoming the hurtful and harmful feelings that so many let build up inside. <br />
<br />
As I have hinted to I really struggled with holding everything in for multiple years of my life. This led as it does to most to explosions and some of these were very nasty. <br />
<br />
There were multiple experiences of which I have long since let go and resolved, but which make a great teaching tool for this purpose.<br />
<br />
When I was a teenager, as I hinted in my last blog this went to extremes. I did everything from throwing my bed out of my second story window to jump out and run away, to throwing a TV down the stairs at my mother, to bashing down the walls of our home, and breaking down fences, and even at one point holding my neighbors at gun point until the police arrived. I was literally out of control.<br />
<br />
I spent far more time with my girlfriend at 12-13 years old then I did with my family, and made most of the mistakes the world is beginning to see as common place.<br />
<br />
I don't share this to paint a terrible picture of myself, those that know me will likely even find these hard to believe. That being said I spent a portion of my youth in detention and eventually ended up in states custody from the time I was 13 until I was 18. At the age of 16 I was as far from any religion as most could imagine. I was pretty hardcore into more than I will disclose at this time in my blog. At this point in my life I wanted friends, and started to search for a way out of the foster home I was living in. My story branches two ways at this point. I have my conversion story (how I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints), and the story I am following.<br />
<br />
This story deals with the therapy of which I spent years going through, and the heartache I faced as I learned to deal with my negative emotions. <br />
<br />
Because the LDS church ties into so many aspects of the changes that occurred in my life it is impossible to leave them out of the story, but they are not the key aspect at this point. <br />
<br />
The true story I wish to tell is how I used to bottle up my feelings, and hold them until I exploded. I then dealt with these in a few ways. The most productive, though I now know it to be harmful to self, relationships, viewpoints, and much more was masturbation, or other sexual relationships. The other way has been pointed out previously and that was violence, or anger. Both habits came from what had happened to me in my youth and things I had dealt with as a child, and I felt they were how you showed people what was going on in your life. I knew they were wrong, but it simply got to the point where I lost control or just didn't care.<br />
<br />
The thing I learned from therapy that I wish to share at this time is that there are ways to vent, and to appropriately do so. I found that for me talking through my feelings was critical. This doesn't work for everybody, and I know this. For me this was critical though, it is part of the reason I am as open as I am with my life and with others when they talk to me. <br />
<br />
I also learned early on that there are things you just don't talk to people about, I have crossed that line in this blog. I did so intentionally! That is for the purpose of allowing others to grow and to know that people really do change. Also to give hope to those that are struggling and to leave an accurate record of my life for my posterity. <br />
<br />
Because I learned not to share much of this time of my life, I couldn't really talk to hardly anyone. My release valve was stifled if not killed in many cases...<br />
<br />
I had always known I could talk to God, and that he cared, this communication became the life blood that held me together and allowed me to cope. I knew He already knew all of my problems, and still loved me. I also knew He wanted to stand by me and fill this role. Had I relied on the world things would have been vastly different.<br />
<br />
My relationship with God since this time has grown to one where he is my most trusted friend, my Savior is likewise one I talk to often. My wife is another I can share everything about me with. They have been with me through the struggles I otherwise could never have faced. These relationships are built by complete openness, by experiences that I will likely never share on this blog. The one thing I will share is an adamant testimony that Christ lives, that God loves us; each and everyone of us no matter who we are or what we have done. As those of you that follow me know they have literally saved my life in many instances, far more than I have written. <br />
<br />
I have veered off from my story, but this is part of who I am, and to understand what the communication means to me others must understand the relationship. <br />
<br />
The purpose of this post is for my family and others, for my posterity to know that they don't need to hold their strugglings, trials or other cases for frustration inside. That letting go of what is bothering you is one of the blessings Heavenly Father offers us through the atonement of Christ. We can find relief and our burdens are truly made light if we will place them in the arms of those we love and trust.<br />
<br />
I want others to know I don't care if this goes viral, I have had my juvenile records expunged. I have changed my life in more ways than any reading this will ever understand. I have been blessed to love writing, and also to have strong connections with my family both those on this earth and not. The world can attempt to dig up what they will against me in this, but I have a clear conscience before God and man and will gladly take the risk of the world thinking what it will if my words help even one person. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-27743139893673528352014-03-04T16:12:00.000-08:002014-03-04T16:12:45.485-08:00Recognizing the strugglings of my parents<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Montana with family from Pinesdale - trip where we almost slid over a
cliff (first remembered near death experience), and hit a bird while
driving. Can also discuss time while living in Montana.<br />
<br />
Since I already talked about the near death experience in an earlier post, I will focus this post on time with family in Montana and some of the reasons we were there.<br />
<br />
First off this is during some of my older memories. There are many memories of this time of my life since I was an older child and since this was a longer period at least a few months. Listed below are some of the memories. I could probably expound on some of these, but will not for the sake of time.<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>Going to the river to swim (happened in one of the larger cities not in Pinesdale). </li>
<li>Driving for the first time I believe I was 8 or 9</li>
<li>Being around the pond where my uncle drowned from a cramp (I have been told he was a professional swimmer)</li>
<li>Visiting family and one of my brothers falling into a cactus</li>
<li>Going to church with above mentioned family (not members of AUB - Apostolic United Brethren) </li>
<li>Rubber band guns and other games</li>
<li>The large rope swing that swung over a gorge in the canyon</li>
<li>Church meetings with the AUB church</li>
<li>Gathering pine nuts and cutting down trees</li>
<li>Living with an aunt and playing the Sega Genesis</li>
<li>Hanging out with cousins</li>
</ul>
The above listed memories are some of the strongest memories of the time spent there. While talking to my father and mother part of the reason we were there was to try to save my parents marriage. To be discreet, and not harm either of my parents names there were issues of infidelity and other struggles that had been an issue, and to be fair I believe both were trying to the best of their abilities to do what they felt was right.<br />
<br />
They did an excellent job of hiding this for the most part. I do remember some of the items being discussed and looking back at my life and wondering about myself and what I could do to help my parents. I don't remember blaming myself for their struggles, but I do remember the hurt I felt, seeing the damage the actions had taken on our family. I was aware of some of the hurt and pain they were going through as well, and now it is even more difficult looking back, knowing the changes and things that have taken place in multiple lives. I know erasing these kinds of feelings are a huge part of the atonement the Savior suffered for us. I learned this much later in life though. <br />
<br />
When they got divorced it was a terrible time in my life and changed the way I handled many things for many years. However most of this starts to touch on my teen years and how they impacted my life and will be covered later.<br />
<br />
Most of my memories of this time are good. I remember we went around and worked a lot selling tupper-ware. We would go to places and my mom would do tupper-ware parties and we would travel with her sometimes staying in campgrounds or with family so we could be together as a family. I remember traveling to many cities not just in Montana, but also in Idaho and surrounding areas<br />
<br />
The memories are interesting as I think back on this and view it from both angles. especially as I put together the things that happened chronologically. Unfortunately I cannot describe nor put these into words in the short time I have to work on this blog entry. So once I finish summing up portions of my life I will hopefully be able to put into words some of the things that currently are in my mind and place them in a biography book form that will be much more enjoyable for those around me.<br />
<br />
I will wrap up these memories by saying that the lives and struggles of those around me, and my decision for the most part to handle those with love and understanding rather than, anger and bitterness (my teen and young adult years being the exception for the most part). Have shaped me and caused me great joy. Although the situations are never easy the relationships and happiness they brought have been beyond measure. These sentiments will make far more sense as I expound on the many thoughts that race through my mind. I will simply say that these situations have taught me to see those that are around me in a far different light then I would have otherwise seen them.<br />
<br />
I wish I could say that I usually learned from the strugglings and trials of others, but I have in my mind many experiences where my failings and imperfections caused struggles. Some of these I only hope I can fix while in this life, and others have been long since resolved. I will open myself as much as possible to let my posterity know me, and to help them and any others possible. My hope is that they can learn from my life and not have to struggle through the things I have. That being said I know that the struggles we face make a person who they become based on their choices.<br />
<br />
I am aware that being so open leaves me at the discretion of the world to be judged, They will likely open and shut some doors. Because of this alone there are some things that I will not disclose. This is more for the protection of those around me than for myself. There are also some things I will never disclose unless commanded to do so by God, because they are sacred and I have been commanded not to disclose them.<br />
<br />
I hope that each of my posts can open a part of me that helps someone else grow and know me better. These posts help me as well, because I start to realize as I write more the impact of my youth. I also hope that each invites the good feelings of the Holy Ghost to touch and lift others.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-53268239740508666202014-03-04T05:20:00.000-08:002014-03-04T05:20:21.518-08:00Memories - continuation from earlier post<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So now I will continue with my thoughts from the order I initially started recording them in.<br />
<br />
The two thoughts I would like to talk about today are:<br />
<br />
Oklahoma at an older age living with a pastor and his family and attending school with their children for a week or so. <br />
<br />Memory of Texas and driving and looking at lights<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<b>To start with I will talk about Oklahoma.</b> I asked my mom about why we went back to Oklahoma and the answer was to visit some friends my mom and dad had made while we were living there. My biggest memory is the church service we attended while there. <br />
<br />
To start with I do not wish to offend any with this story. I am simply telling it from the perspective of one living through it. My family has always considered this humorous, and to many they would consider us highly wrought upon by the spirit. That being said I start my story....<br />
<br />
As I said we went to visit some friends, but when we got there they no longer lived where they had and so we ended up in Oklahoma, with little to nothing, and no place to stay. As I remember things we stayed a night or two in a homeless shelter and while staying there met a pastor (or leader of a small church). He was a good man and invited us to stay with him and his family and so we did for a short time. <br />
<br />
While we were there I attended school with his children for a few days. This was a big deal for a few reasons. First I had only attended public school as a child up to this point for kindergarten and a small portion of first grade. The rest of my schooling was done at home. The second reason was because I was kind of like a show and tell for these new friends and so I thought the whole experience was wonderful. I don't remember much about school except that I never felt mistreated or scared and seemed to enjoy the experience.<br />
<br />
I also remember playing board games with the family in the evenings and just spending time together. I do tend to remember going outside and spending time running and playing, but the only memory is a dirt road, and fields. Not a lot to go on...<br />
<br />
So onto the biggest part of this memory, we attended church with this family, and partially based on memory and partially on discussion, this is the story. Me and my siblings were very rambunctious little bedlamites and ran all over during the church service. My mother and father were very frustrated initially since we would not behave. My mother tried to settle us down and was rebuked for restraining the spirit which we were full of per the words of the pastor. My father upon realizing the rebuke decided he was going to have some fun with this and so he took off his shoes and threw them into the air and loudly exclaimed, remove your shoes for we are standing on holy ground. Fairly quickly the group erupted, and shoes were flying through the air and people were chanting in what I considered to be jibberish, since I couldn't understand anything. This behavior continued the portion of the meeting I remember, and for me I had a wonderful time running around and acting crazy. My mother told me after the fact that she really struggled with teaching us how to be reverent in meetings following this, because of the example.<br />
<br />
So why does this matter to me, and what did I get from this? <br />
<br />
First and foremost I learned that although people are very different and believe many things there is great goodness to be found in those that are doing their best. I believe people are good for the most part; and that those who are not typically learn those traits, due to circumstances usually out of control in their lives. <br />
<br />
I learned that I can make friends no matter what situation I may be placed in and although I moved a lot that allowed me to build relationships with many different and wonderful people. It also made it hard to build very strong lasting relationships.<br />
<br />
I think about school and think of varying aspects of being schooled for most of my life at home and the advantages and disadvantages of this. This caused me many struggling's later in life with social aspects that many learn. In some ways I still struggle with these things. Communication is something that I need to often pay close attention to or I falter. <br />
<br />On the plus side I learned and was always very advanced in education. I have always learned very quickly and been extremely quick to pick up new things. I was doing some of my fathers college math while still the age of an elementary student. I learned many life skills that are still a treasure to me, and I excelled in scouting. <br />
<br />
I think I would have been extremely active physically either way, but that is another part of my life that has a big impact on who I am.<br />
<br />
There is more that I learned from this experience and reviewing it than can be put down in words, but suffice it to say it helped shape me and mold me into the man I have become.<br />
<br />
<br />
The second experience is a very short one. I was much younger than in the previous experience and remember sleeping in the back of our station wagon as we drove. It was night and I remember we were on our way to <b>Texas</b> to visit with relatives if my story is right. As we drove we were going through a city and I remember looking out the windows of the car and <b>looking as we passed multiple street lights</b> of different colors. I just remember thinking it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. I know I slept after seeing them and my parents have no idea what I am remembering. So I only have the memory to go off of.<br />
<br />
I believe this is important to me because it helped me see the beauty around me, and recognize both the beauty of all that God has created, and also to look for the beauty in what man creates and does. I sometimes wonder if a large portion of my optimism is based on experiences like this and being out in the woods, looking at streams and pondering on the world and God's creations.<br />
<br />
I believe the ability to see the good in each experience that happens to us lifts us and allows us to be happy no matter the trial we may face or the complexity of our situation. I believe strongly we can find great happiness even in the worst of times if our perspective is looking for the good. I want to clarify this a little. I know many people that suffer from depression and other hormonal imbalances. Does perspective get rid of their issues, most certainly not. Does it relieve the pain of a loved one that dies, no! Can it help us as we work through the troubles we face to find joy in the sorrow.... I believe it can.<br />
<br />
<br />
I testify that none of us on this earth were sent here to fail. We already made the decision to follow God before we came to this earth and we all wanted to become like him. We must learn ourselves to understand what this means, and how we draw closer to God as individuals. I have had enough experiences in my life that I can testify that Christ atoned for us so we can become like God, That God and Christ are alive and care for us. This is not a belief, this is a knowledge. I know that all of us can attain this knowledge for ourselves, by approaching God and in the sincerity of our heart asking for His guidance. He will give it to us. He does answer prayers. He wants us to know Him. This is my testimony. And I share it in Jesus Christs name, because he is the one who made it possible to become like He is and like God is. All I have become I owe to Christ.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-66206102616782701292014-02-26T12:16:00.000-08:002014-02-26T12:16:04.533-08:00Humanity... Loss of those loved...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
My thoughts have turned to death recently as I read an article of two missionaries who returned from their missions as their family died from CO poisoning. We also lost a beloved sister in our ward recently due to her bouts with pneumonia and other struggles, and her family are good friends of ours. To top this off I attended the funeral of my cousins wife who recently died of cancer. Her and her husband had previously lost 3 of their 6 children in their infancy, and she was 44 years of age.<br />
<br />
The funeral was the most spiritual funeral I have attended to date. What a wonderful life she led, and though the family has struggled through so much already, I feel for my cousin and his three remaining daughters. The blessings she continues to bring to her three previous children and the family that remains on earth, are tremendous.<br />
<br />
I look forward with great anticipation to the reunion of so many when this life ends and we meet again. That being said there is so much goodness and glory that is being done on this earth.<br />
<br />
I want to share my feelings of the power of struggles and trials and how they refine us as individuals:<br />
<br />
Each person in this life faces struggles, trials, and tribulations. These can brings us forward in life or drag us down. They can lift us higher than we could hope to grow, and allow us to become greater than we ever imagined. Each of us make the decision to go one of these direction each time we are tried.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
To open myself, one of the greatest struggles I have faced in life, is communication. I grew up in a family where to be heard you needed to raise your voice. To get what you wanted you repeated yourself until you were recognized. Each of us face some sort of communication struggle, even if the struggle is in others (I believe this is very rare). <br />
<br />
This likely seems like a trivial thing to many. It is not our communication effects everyone around us. I see people who really want to help others and are afraid to make things worse. Not because the help would not be welcome, but because the communication is awkward. Often times trust comes into play and people are concerned, because they have opened themselves at one point or another and have been hurt. I believe strongly that this is unintentional almost always.<br />
<br />
Me I tend to ramble on... am I getting better, yes, but I know this causes a lot of side effects in conversations that are rough for many. This struggle makes it more difficult to do what I love the most. That is to serve the Lord and my brothers and sisters here on the earth. To draw them closer to a loving Heavenly Father and Savior, and with them partake of the joy that comes with this knowledge.<br />
<br />
This struggle like all other struggles, trials and tribulations has a positive side. This is often difficult to see through the struggle, trial or tribulation itself.<br />
<br />
<br />
To go back to my initial comments, what is positive about losing a loved one? I think this is a fair question... <br />
<br />
To answer this question first off I need to go into some personal beliefs. <br />
<br />
First, I believe the Savior is hastening His work. I do not believe this is only happening on this side of the veil. The Lord needs choice people to hasten His work among the spirits who have lived as well as among those that are currently living. <br />
<br />
Second, many who are being called back are exceedingly valiant and faithful. They have done what the Lord required of them here and are still doing so. <br />
<br />
Third and this is the most difficult to swallow. The Lord has great trust in those that are left behind. In each case those affected can grow by understanding the loss of those they hold dear. There is great trust placed in them (in all of us matter-of-factly). <br />
<br />
We stood by our Father in Heaven before this life and without actively using our agency, we may never know how we really would have faced the struggle, trial or tribulation we are facing. For many it is not death. For those facing the trial of death, my heart and soul go out to you. There are no words that describe the loneliness, and pain you will sometimes feel. <br />
<br />
I bear this witness however that I know that this life is not the end of our existence. We all have the option to be with those we love forever. For those listed above they are sealed through priesthood power to be together forever. The Saviors mercy goes far beyond this however. They maintain active parts in their families lives. They are at the happy and sad occasions. They watch over and protect those they love. They are often felt and sometimes seen, by those left behind. I bear this witness, because I know it is true.<br />
<br />
If this message is not one you have heard before let me know and I will make sure you have the opportunity to learn more. Otherwise, trust in God and he will give you the ability to know as I do that these things are true. With this assurance most of the difficulties we face become no longer a yoke that cannot be borne but another sheaf we can bear off, knowing that what the Lord entrusts to us we can and will do.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-15869756315281886502014-02-19T13:44:00.000-08:002014-02-19T13:44:14.575-08:00My first bout with death<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Because I have not heard a lot from people on any specific areas of my life they would like to hear about I will try to take the previous approach to my life and see how I do.<br />
<br />
I will take the list of memories that I did one liners on and see if I can expound on a portion of that list based on conversations since I wrote the one liners and based on my memories. <br />
<br />
Pet frog gets run over story - Oklahoma, also mice in the bed and hot sidewalks:<br />
<br />
<br />
Since writing this one liner I have learned that these were at least two separate stories. The pet I had in Oklahoma was a toad if I remember right to be a little more descriptive. It had gotten away and somehow gotten into a garage type area of the house. I am pulling this complete story from memory so hopefully I get this right. I came out of the house looking for my pet, and saw as a door that had been leaning over against the wall had fallen onto it. It may have already been killed by the door being on top of it. At this time my dad drove into the garage, and I tried to stop him. I can only assume he thought I was just excited to see him, and I imagine he was busy watching me so he didn't see the door laying on the floor. When he pulled in he ran over the door, and my pet was no more.<br />
<br />
I have a few questions as I think back on this: First why is this significant in my life? Why does this matter and technically who cares? <br />
<br />
Well these are my personal opinions, but I will try to explain my thoughts:<br />
<br />
Why is it significant in my life? I imagine it is much like the pets others have when they die there is a lot of sorrow and grief that takes place. I was no different and as a child remember the grief. As far as I am aware this was my first pet and I can only imagine I was pretty attached. This was also my first real experience with death. I believe there comes a point in each of our lives (if we live long enough) that we have to start to face and learn of death and its apparent permanency. This begins to change as we learn of the gospel and one of the greatest comforts it brings along with it is that death is but a short period of separation and not permanent. There have been many experiences with this since this time in my life, but I feel this was a traumatic time for me and so it stands out as a moment of growth and significance in my life.<br />
<br />
Why does this matter? I think I partially answered why this matters in my previous comments, but I will expound with a story. I recently had a family I am close to that had to put down their dog after having had it in the family for many years. The loss was a strain on the family and some of the activities they take a normal part in were cancelled to grieve for their loss. I still feel the sting because this happened recently and my children play with their children, the impact of the loss therefore not only affected their family, but mine and my families, and others as well who offered condolences. I also think facing these kinds of losses helps families to draw closer together and strengthens us as individuals for other losses we may face throughout life.<br />
<br />
Who cares? I guess that question can only be answered by those on the receiving end of this post, but I have hopes at a minimum that it will let my posterity know that this experience happened and that to me it had an impact on my life.<br />
<br />
Hot sidewalks: This also is a memory from Oklahoma and the memory is likely just a hot day where I was out playing and for the first time I realized that the sidewalks were literally hot enough to cook an egg. I just thought it was a statement people make to say they were really hot, but since then have learned better. Why does this matter? Good question, I would have to guess it was around the same time my pet died and I somehow linked the two memories. Suffice it to say I rarely think of the one without the other.<br />
<br />
Mice in the bed: Now how I got this tied into the other memories is a little more baffling. I assume it was close to the same time in my life, but this happened in Utah, and the other experiences happened in Oklahoma. We had a home in Utah where some of our items were stored while we lived in Oklahoma, this happened when we came back to pick up some of our things. We found a family of mice in one of the beds. I personally believe I like the little vermin and may have bonded with them because of the loss of my other pet. It may sounds gross but I have always liked mice since. <br />
<br />
I know this is a little odd compared to many of my posts, but being as I am trying to put down memories as a child I can only piece these together somewhat like a puzzle. The effect may be some strange posts, but the hope is twofold. First I am hoping to capture memories I have of my youth and second I am hoping to follow the norm for this blog which is that we can overcome any trial or struggle we face, through the help of a Loving Heavenly Father.<br />
<br />
The loss of those dear to us whether they be family or pets or friends... They can drain us physically, mentally, and even spiritually. I share my testimony that there are those around us who care. They may not be able to put their feelings into words any better than we can, but there is always a shoulder to turn to when times get rough. I pray that at least one shoulder we learn to rely on be the shoulder of Jesus Christ. It is even better if we lean on our Heavenly Father, and that of His Son Jesus Christ. They are 2 individuals we can always turn to even when it seems no one else is available. These two have been a support to me when I had no one else to turn to, they have helped me through some of the greatest struggles in my life, and I know if others will approach them they will do the same for all of their family here on earth.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-5759862017855580752014-02-13T10:36:00.000-08:002014-02-13T10:36:26.089-08:00The resilience of Childhood<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
As I have thought about recent posts and the perceptive negative nature of my blog up to this point I felt the need to focus a post specifically on the many joys of my youth.<br />
<br />
I have termed this the resilience of childhood, because despite the many down sides to my youth I think often on the memories and the overall comparison between good and bad memories. I believe that children have the innate ability to see the good in the things around them and to overlook the bad. <br />
<br />
I will attempt to describe this through the memories of my youth. <br />
<br />
I will start in Taylorsville Utah where a number of bad things were going on in my life. I was abused regularly both sexually and physically. We struggled with a number of issues including regular visits from social services, and threats of being removed from our home. Some of our greatest years of minimal financial resources, and other struggles also happened during these years.<br />
<br />
During this time I have some of my most wonderful memories. We had chickens, ducks, a few peacocks, horses, goats, dogs and cats. I remember strong memories of going to the fair and spending time walking around and being amazed at the things people could grow and raise. I remember Saturday morning cartoons, digging forts, hanging out in tree houses, visiting friends, sledding in the winter, and riding skateboards in the summer. And a thousand more memories I don't have time to describe here....<br />
<br />
The point of all this is that I believe for almost all children the good things (in their minds) outweigh the bad by an extreme margin. I know I have been classified (rightly so) as a pretty extreme optimist. And so perhaps this is only my view of the world. That being said I have rarely seen a child that is not happy most of the time, regardless of the circumstances they find themselves in. I believe our minds from birth are programmed (for lack of a better word) to see the good around us. To see the rainbows and butterflies, the clouds and rocks and so many things we start to take for granted as we get older and let the busyness of life take us away from the joys we used to cherish. <br />
<br />
We take too much time looking for how to resolve a conflict, or how to get to the next promotion, how to teach our children the next thing that will make them look brighter than the Jones' down the street. Sometimes we get carried away in greed, or pride, or other selfishness that takes the focus we used to have on so much beauty and happiness, and turns it into something self serving. <br />
<br />
This is part of the reason why I believe Heavenly father instructs us to be as little children. <br />
<br />
Can we let go of the struggles we face and become like a child? Can we put aside the things that drag us down in daily life, and still accomplish the needs we should care for as adults? I argue that we can... <br />
<br />
Little children are resilient, they are quick to forgive, they are quick to learn, and they are willing to change.<br />
<br />
I write many things about the struggles of my youth in order to hopefully help others. To allow people to realize that they are not alone in suffering, nor are they as trapped as they may feel. I hope they will be able to come to have joy like I have found, and better their lives. These are not easy transitions to make and to many may seem impossible. On our own some of them are impossible to overcome... I believe others will be able to turn their situations into such that they can find great joy in this life and for all I pray they will find joy that goes far beyond this life. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-55399525903540790352014-02-13T08:04:00.001-08:002014-02-13T08:04:42.062-08:00Learning to fly...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have heard from some of my friends that they sorrow for the things I have gone through and that based on the person I am now it hurts them to see the struggles I have had to face. This post goes out to you and any others that feel this sorrow. <br />
<br />
To begin with I want to commend you greatly for feeling this way. The scriptures describe this as Godly sorrow and it is often shown in a few ways. The first is for the sins of the people, and it is sorrow for the well being of their souls. The second is sorrow for the struggles and trials and tribulations of others, and is a sign of love and caring. In some ways this is the attribute I think of most when I think of the way our Heavenly Father sees the things we face and go through on this earth as we are tested and falter, or even stand through the pain. In my perspective this is one of the reasons why angels are sent to the earth to comfort us, and why this event is recorded in the scriptures that the angels supported Christ while he atoned for the sins of the world.<br />
<br />
Charity or the pure love of Christ is at the heart of this discussion, this blog and for the most part the lives of all who serve our Savior in His church and attempt to bring to others the joy the gospel brings in its entirety. Charity guides each and everyone of us to make the sacrifices we do for our family members, a child in sorrow, the person we see on the street, or any other countless number of scenarios. Charity is what is shared with me when people sorrow for my past and sorrows.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
With that being said I have commented to my friends that I am extremely grateful for the trials and struggles I have gone through. These struggles and trials I have faced in my past impact me and my life. However on a bigger scale similar struggles and trials impact countless others, many of which have buried them deep and do not believe they are worth caring for or even desire to end it all. They do not know that loving arms await them around the corner, and that their lives can be so much better. There are children going through similar things as the things I faced. There are young boys and girls that truly believe they are the cause of family problems and struggles. There are adults that have buried the hurts of a life full of pain far away so they do not have to face the pain. Some of these become the next abusers, because this is how they learned to deal with the feelings they face, some become depressed and withdraw from the world. Others stand and fight, some lose their lives in the attempt. Others become strong advocates of truth and right.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I will now write from the perspective of a population as I continue my thoughts: <br />
<br />
We never know how the struggles of the past will affect those around us. And so we make the choices for ourselves based on our struggles. How do I deal with the monsters of the past, how do I cope, how do I make the most of a hard situation. Each individual faces these questions.<br />
<br />
All of us deal with these choices, whether we face the burdens of abuse and hunger, or whether we face the trials of pride and the other cares of the world. We may face the temptation of having great wealth or poverty. Both have their trials and every place in between faces the trial of looking up or looking down and determining how to choose to see the world around them. Do we seek after the wealth and supposed power money brings... Do we seek after the humility and struggles poverty brings... <br />
<br />
Money is only a single facet of the things of the past and future, but each trial, each success or failure can be viewed through a similar lens. <br />
<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
My past has taught me many things. The greatest of these is Charity. I have learned to seek after the good, and to discard the bad, and the burdensome. To seek the Lord daily... Sometimes all the day long, when things are rough... I have learned that almost always people are good. People are doing the best they can in the situations they are in. <br />
<br />
This view allows me to make the world a better place. It allows me to see the pains of a hard past, but also the joys of a wonderful past in the things I have faced. To be fair with myself and others, to look at the world with eyes that can see through the spirit and not through my interpretation of what may or may not be going on, but to seek for what is really going on, and with that knowledge, comes the true power.<br />
<br />
When truth is seen change can begin. With change comes hope, fulfillment, joy, and eventually eternal life. <br />
<br />
I glory in the things of my past. Not because they are good, but because they allowed me to become good. Not because they were easy, but because they allowed me to grow. Not because they dragged me through the dirt, but because they allowed me to learn to fly. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-85258621959055479072014-02-12T10:04:00.000-08:002014-02-12T10:04:24.746-08:00Recognition<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have begun to realize more than ever before in my life that the Lord and Heavenly Father allowed the terrible things that have happened to me in my life to happen so I would be able to understand and help others.<br />
<br />
I cannot and should not share many of the details of how this has been made clear to me, and have been instructed to keep certain details of my life out of this record. But suffice it to say that I have through the spirit been instructed that this is true.<br />
<br />
As I think back on my previous posts and and many things that have not yet been noted in my blog, I have on my mind the thoughts of when my family struggled for food, and for a time ended up eating foods left behind the grocery stores that where expired and getting thrown away. I ended up at around the age of 13 being taken from my home and ended up in the foster care system. I remained there until I was 18. I like many have gone through the struggles of being the outcast, and many rejected and even mocked me because of who I was or where I was in my life. There were a few times I ended up living in homeless shelters. I did not always have the career I enjoy now, I started out working in fast food restaurants and assembly line work. <br />
<br />
I have been very blessed in my life to be where I am now and to be able to bless others and care for my family in the manner I do. I intend to give back to others what I can to lift them as they struggle through these things, and others as well.<br />
<br />
The things I have shared and will continue to share are for the benefit of my fellow man and to give encouragement and hope. To spread love for a loving God that would do anything for his children, and wants them to return to his presence. The things I do I do because of Christ... I do them in the name of Christ... He literally saved me as I struggled, and because of this I know he can do the same for all men if they will but let him.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-83964507859874500252014-02-05T13:26:00.002-08:002014-02-05T13:26:27.334-08:00Life saving experiences in early years<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
There are a few times I had my life saved through divine intervention in my early years. I want to write about these a little.<br />
<br />
The first time my life was saved I was less than a year old and had a bowel blockage that nearly cost me my life. My grandfather (the same one that delivered me) had become concerned enough that he had placed me on adult strength laxatives every two hours and had tried a number of other things to help. <br />
<br />
As the story was related to me. He showed up one day to see how things were going and placed a hand on my head and appeared to be silently praying. After being with me this way for a few minutes he turned and stated that I would be ok and left. About 5 minutes later I had a bowel movement and have never struggled with a blockage since.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
The next story I have heard a number of times throughout my life. I was around 1 and a half years old and was walking. We lived in an upstairs room in a house in Taylorsville Utah near a mink farm, and I wanted to go outside with my father. I went out to the stairs and managed to squeeze through the railing and fell onto my head on the concrete a story below. I was rushed to my grandfather who stated that I should have been dead because of the damage done to my head and was given a blessing.<br />
<br />
It is important to note at this time in my post that my beliefs are that my grandfather was a good man. He led a church known as the AUB (Apostolic United Brethren), and was known as a prophet to that church. I also believe he had great faith. That being said I do not believe he had the priesthood or authority to act in the name of God. Which he previously held before it was removed when he fell away from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. <br />
<br />
The reason this small blurb is important is because it shows my belief that miracles can be done by faith with or without priesthood power. <br />
<br />
I am not aware of any damage done to my brain or that was retained by this injury.<br />
<br />
<br />
I will tell one more story though it happened later in my youth, and will leave any others for another post. <br />
<br />
My family and I were driving from Montana back to Utah, and I was old enough to remember this event. I tell it from my own recollection. We were driving and it was winter. There was black ice on the roads and as we were coming around a bend we hit a patch and the car spun out of control. we slid off to the curb and must have been going 45 miles per hour or so still, and immediately a few angels appeared and stopped the car. I saw at least 2 angels by the car and told the family about it. some of my siblings also witnessed the angels. <br />
<br />
We got out of the car and looked around we were about a foot away from a drop off that would have plunged our family (if I remember right - things I have learned seem larger as a child) around 100 feet to our almost certain deaths. <br />
<br />
<br />
Now I would like to comment that I write these stories because I believe strongly that the Lord had need of my family still upon this earth. Do these things happen all the time... I believe we are spared from things more often than most of us would like to believe. That being said I know the Lord has accounts written by many in the scriptures of their lives being saved by miraculous means. I do not believe this makes me special in any way nor do I try to boast in these things. I share these experiences because I want those who follow this blog to know that because of these experiences and many others I have formed a bond with my Heavenly Father that is in some ways stronger than life itself. I have learned to trust in God in many cases in ways that would seem naive or even stupid to many. <br />
<br />
As I will point out throughout my future posts. It is not only my life that has been spared, but I have also been spared from sorrows and anguish and trials I still do not completely understand. I believe these blessings and many more are extended to all who approach God. I feel James directs us well in the Bible where he writes, "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him." James 1:5. In each of these scenarios worldly knowledge could not have saved me. I testify it was the tender mercies of God and seeking his wisdom that preserved me to this day.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-42114661162285191942014-02-05T12:35:00.002-08:002014-02-05T12:35:58.647-08:00Missionary experience<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Yesterday I had a wonderful missionary experience with the Sister missionaries, a sister from the stake and a sister that is preparing to go to the temple. We met at temple square to support and help the sister get more prepared for the temple experience.<br />
<br />
We started by meeting with a couple of sister missionaries from temple square and headed to the south visitors center. There we looked at the temple model and talked about why we go to the temple and had a wonderful time. As we were getting ready to leave and go to the north visitors center I noticed one of the temple kiosks were not responding I called an Elder I work with to come meet me and sent the others on ahead. We got the machine working and I went back to meet with the sisters at the Gods Plan exhibit on temple square.<br />
<br />
I could tell the sister we were there helping was having a wonderful spiritual experience, and following the presentation went to see the Christus statue and talk about Christ. After the talk the sister missionaries and the sister from the stake all left to talk in another room while the sister preparing for the temple and I had a nice talk about testimony and Christ.<br />
<br />
The experience was wonderful and when the sisters all got back we took some pictures and then I headed back to work.<br />
<br />
I share this because the gospel brings joy into our lives like nothing else can. The prophet king after who I am named King Benjamin taught in the Book of Mormon, "when ye are in the service of your fellow beings you are only in the service of your God." I believe the greatest happiness in life comes to men/women then when they are serving their fellow man. As we bring others nearer to the Savior and God (our Heavenly Father), we are blessed with joy because we gain the knowledge that we will be with them throughout eternity. These blessings become unfathomable if we think on them for long.<br />
<br />
As I think back on the happiest moments in my life I believe they are found when I have served and brought joy to others.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-37076618073235840022014-02-03T12:26:00.002-08:002014-02-03T12:30:18.912-08:00The early years<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I am not sure about portions of my younger years. So as with previous posts, I will have to do some research prior to describing some of these. Many of these I can share as recalled from my own memory though. These are a few things that stand out in my life while I was still young. I will simply relate these as stories as we progress with future posts. Some have had little impact on my current life, but show some of my attributes that I had at a very young age. Others greatly impacted my beliefs and the person I am today.<br />
<br />
Here are 1 liners about some of the things that came to my mind and that I remember: I would like your opinions on which of these to focus on first since I cannot concentrate on them all at once. It also allows you to drive the content of my posts to some degree. Please post your comments about what you would like more details about and I will try at some point to cover all of these, and would like to focus on the highest interest items first.<br />
<br />
Pet frog gets run over story - Oklahoma, also mice in the bed and hot sidewalks<br />
<br />
Oklahoma at an older age living with a pastor and his family and attending school with their children for a week or so. <br />
<br />
Memory of Texas and driving and looking at lights -<br />
<br />
Montana with family from Pinesdale - trip where we almost slid over a cliff (first remembered near death experience), and hit a bird while driving. Can also discuss time while living in Montana<br />
<br />
Idaho and family from there -<br />
<br />
Family in Southern Utah and staying with them - <br />
<br />
Shopping for houses - house with big back yard and swing set off of redwood road - <br />
<br />
Christmas experiences - The following is a comment from my dad -<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";}
</style>
<![endif]--><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";">"I like the part of
your second Christmas. We bought you a pair of gloves. You put them on and with
your hands in the air you ran squealing around the house."</span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
Falling through railing from balcony and landing on head on concrete - early home in Taylorsville - house and stairs to upstairs apartment.<br />
<br />
Walking to Aunts house naked -<br />
Running naked onstage at a Chinese restaurant - <br />
<br />
(I kind of sense a theme that I didn't like clothes much)<br />
<br />
Home where<span style="background-color: white;"></span> oldest sister was born - helping dad with construction work - big back yard<br />
<br />
Memory of house in Kearns and basement - Mom selling Melaleuca products.<br />
<br />
Visit to family with pool and memories of first sexual abuses. <br />
<br />
Female relative starts babysitting different relative from above - continued sexual abuse. covers a few years.<br />
<br />
Move to house in Taylorsville - horses, goats and other animals. some of the activities - mud pits and holes,
cartoons watched, pole vaulting and high jumping and hurdles,
newspaper deliveries. Activities enjoyed as a boy.<br />
<br />
Waking up in the middle of the night to help with newspapers.<br />
<br />
It is worth the time to state that these are in no chronological order and some of these relate to more than one period of my life. I will delve into more detail as I continue to describe the events and memories of my childhood. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5029970906620729523.post-78931846885651834542014-01-31T14:18:00.000-08:002014-01-31T14:18:20.584-08:00Audio File - Change...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Besides the fact that converting the file or finding a way to play it back is a royal pain. After reviewing the file I am concerned to let it be played publicly since it could incriminate others and I do not want that to be done. I will not be releasing the audio file for that reason. As I continue to do this blog I will likely change names of those that must be referenced in order to not shed a bad light on any that have been involved with the struggles I have faced. <br />
<br />
I believe strongly that people change and grow and the past is the past. I want to show the utmost respect for all that have impacted my life. I believe strongly that people can repent or change the course they are going. I desire not only to forgive, but hopefully to be forgiven of the wrongs I have done.<br />
<br />
I strive in all I do to become as Jesus Christ, whom I believe to have lived a perfect life. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12611028596235930181noreply@blogger.com0